Friday, October 28, 2011

I sat here for 10 minutes trying to think of an appropriate title for this blog post.
There are so many different thoughts racing through my head and my heart tonight and I cannot really slap one title on it.
Let me be real and raw for a second. I have been struggling with wanting to continue to blog because I know that any one can read it. Now you're probably saying "duh...that's what a blog is for." Yes, I know that. But deep down, sometimes I wish that only my closest friends and family members could read it because I fear people that may be "uncomfortable" to me are reading it. God has really spoke to my heart regarding this though. What an opportunity I have to share my heart and be open and raw with those people. It's a scary thing to be 100% vulnerable with those you'd rather not go there with. But here I am, this is me--a glimpse into my heart--like it or not :)

My husband and I have been going through a huge battle the past year. Let me clarify--this has nothing to do with our marriage, we are madly in love and have an amazing and healthy marriage. I am going to try and be careful of how I word this battle because I want to keep a pure heart. This battle is with some very key relationships in our life. These are people that should be in our lives daily, but have chosen to let the trials and the circumstances of the past block reconciliation. It's so heart breaking and to be honest, this has been the hardest battle of my life (at least one of them). I literally wake up sometimes and feel physical pain in my heart because I ache for restoration so badly.
God has carried us through this journey so sweetly and has taught us many valuable lessons in it. Even though good has come from it, wow--has it been painful!

Choosing to love when you really don't feel like it and pray daily for people who have hurt us tremendously, has been a battle. I am happy to say that for the most part, thanks to God's grace, I feel like I've succeeded. I am not saying that I succeeded every single day, I definitely have my moments (ask Chris! lol). But after my "moments", God picks me up and whispers so sweetly to my heart..."Love Wins."
That has been the theme for me during this battle. Love wins. If you look at hopeless situations where it looks like restoration is nearly impossible, you can see a pattern-----------------------Love wins....every.single. time. When I feel like I can't go on, I am so encouraged by God's unconditional love for us and reminded that we are all called to love unconditionally just as Christ loves us. That is easier said than done sometimes...okay, most times. It's easy to love people who haven't hurt us. I've got that down pretty well, but people who have "wronged" us? That's a challenge. a big one.
I encourage you, if you are walking through a battle where it's quite uncomfortable and hard to keep loving difficult people--remember, Jesus' unconditional love for us even when we don't deserve it. Are you being Jesus to those difficult people? Love Wins. A scripture that is carrying me right now is 1 Corinthians 13. A scripture we so often hear and usually end up tuning it out and saying yeah, yeah yeah I know--it's the "Love" scripture. But really take the time to dissect it and meditate on it.

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Oh how I am so humbled when I really allow that scripture to soak into my spirit. I can be the perfect wife, wonderful mom, awesome daughter, good friend, missionary, etc--but if I do not have love...and not just love, but TRUE, GENUINE, Love for people and not just people, but difficult people--I am. nothing. You are nothing.

Are you truly loving people in your life? I encourage you---LOVE. WINS.

Love those difficult people to life! Love them just like Jesus loves us--unconditionally.

We are on this journey together. Let's encourage each other and do this thing!!! :)